One of the biggest struggles of my life has been my struggle with my weight and emotional eating. For most of my adult years, I have not openly admitted, or really talked about my "food issues." I suppose, I felt somewhat weak, and to a degree, a level of shame. Shame, that I have let food and my weight dictate much of what has occurred, or in some instance not occurred, in my adult life. Even as I am sitting and writing this blog, I still question whether or not I will actually post it. Will I be willing to share and openly talk about one of my biggest cruxes in my life? Am I willing to be that transparent and open? I guess that time will tell.
If you are reading this blog and you have never experienced struggles with your weight, or using "something," to fill a void, or fix an emotion I hope that my words may provide insight into the struggles and heart of someone that does.
Until recently, I have always somewhat made jokes about my food issues; but as they say behind every joke, is a level or seriousness and truth. But, as I have shared in previous blogs, and on Facebook, I am trying to focus on being a healthier me and in order to do that, I need to get a handle on this food thing.
Food is such a funny thing; obviously we need it to nourish our bodies for fuel but at a deeper level it can be so much more. Food for me, has been a symbol of love, warmth, sharing, and caring. Sharing good food is a way to connect and bond with people, to a degree it is sharing of ones self. Over time, as life became stressful, or emotions ran high (or sometimes VERY low), I have used food to try to capture that feeling of love and warmth, even if only temporarily. As with so much in life, that momentary feeling didn't last. So what happens when the feeling is gone? Yup, you got it, I continued to try to recapture with more food. Now, for me, my food issues weren't daily; they were (are) truly dependent on my circumstances, mood and external environment; so many factors that are rolled into who I am. So, I would say my food issues are, perhaps, more subtle. But, I can say you can probably judge where I am, with me, by my pant size; you get the idea!
But, something exciting has recently occurred, which has made me realize a shift has happened in my journey to being a healthier me. Recently, in one of my more stressful days, I wanted to eat a bag of gummy bears - not just the small package, but the industrial size bag of gummy bears that you get at World Market. But, instead of doing that, I went to the gym and did cardio. Now for me, that is a HUGE shift.
Realistically, emotional eating will probably continue to be an issue for me throughout my life; however, I am beginning to feel like I have more control over it and more importantly I am aware! HUGE! Awareness = power; power to be a happier, healthier me! Oh and power to perhaps buy a fabulous new pair of jeans!
What things are you doing to be a happier, healthier you? I look forward to hearing about your journey and adventures, please feel free to share.
I will leave you with a quote I found by Drew Carey, that I think sums this post up quite nicely, "Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment."
Until the next time....The Girl in the Red Bug
No comments:
Post a Comment